this was to escape.

i'm going back there.

look for me where i belong.

guess what i've discovered today...

...i have fat knees. they are BIG and HEAVY and HARD and FAT. ): sometimes wobbly...

my calves are expanding like nobody's business. i have NO IDEA WHY.

i have VERY UGLY feet.

today i went on the weighing machine and ggm. i'm like very very heavy now. very very very very very!

i went running today. lousy stamina. totally decreased, just because i've been slacking for...1 month? ): so ran only about...1km+. then for lunch i had sunkist orange lemonade and porridge. i wanna be healthy, and less fat of course.

things to do!

1. commonwealth essay.

2. practise piano (it resumes this wednesday! hello to sucky theory ;D )

3. read ( i have to read i just have to)

4. tidy up my room

5. detoxify

6. save up. (i've given up on all my saving up plans and sticking to the $2 a day)

seems like i'm letting my life goes to waste. this holiday i have done nothing, nothing at all ):

might give up blogging sometime soon.

oh it would be so nice growing old with you

yucks i screwed my xanga up );

sigh. yesterday's wedding made me go all wistful and misty-eyed. digressing a little, i actually feel pretty sad that all of us, cousins and relatives, are not bonded. we're all running our own lives and disregarding the family ties. we get together but we don't really interact. how sad is that. and i don't even have cousins my age, at least on my dad's side. all my cousins are married, the eldest ones even have kids that are half my age, or something. the youngest (excluding me and my brother) is about 22 years, has a girlfriend and i don't even know if he is working or still schooling. we just go our separate ways, never letting each other in about our lives, never even bothering to make the effort to.

so anyway, i realised only yesterday how cute my cousin is. heh. i think he's about 28. i don't know what he's working as though. he's quite a dashing sight, and he's really a nice person. the 22yearold one i talked about is his brother. also very handsome. ;D actually, i'm really proud of my family. they are all nice and friendly and warm people by nature. they won't dao you or anything and there's not much competition going on (since the age gaps are so vast anyway) and generally we don't feel uncomfortable in each other's presence.

in the morning was just the ceremony. held at their home. so close to heart. i saw the photos, they were really nice. i heard it costed them $1000 to for those shoots. woah. the bride looked really pretty. and dashing the bridegroom was (:

then at night there was the dinner at QianXi restaurant. at payar lebar. dad got lost since we all aren't familiar with the eastern side of singapore. arrived for a while before the thing begun. it started off with a presentation of how they got together and everything and their photos from their childhood. it was super heartwarming! then they came in. ahh loved her gown. she's from hongkong and she had her gowns brought in from there. i don't know if she speaks mandarin my cousin converses with her in cantonese anyway.

yeah so they did the champagne pouring into the cups and stuff and kissed (they had to kiss as long as we clapped! hoo!) while we enjoyed our 9course meal.

ahhhhhhhhhhh.

don't weddings just make you want to get married yourself? haha!

i realised that i am a very...fast person. sorry for the lack of vocab to describe. what i want to say is i cannot stand it when people stick to me. not in the case where we keep hanging out together, spending time together, no it's not that. i do that with my bestiest friends and i feel happy in their presence. but it irritates me when people starts to get too dependant on you. sometimes they do all those funny little things that makes you feel..."vaguely disturbed"- quotes yangzo. like a sudden pounce or whining or pouts, to gain your attention? and of course i dont like it when people look at me when im doing my stuff. like they are trying to fathom the inner me. which of course they can never do. i mean, it is again vaguely disturbing... perhaps they admire me but i'd prefer the spontaneous admission kinda style, like "YO! I admire you for your righteousness and talents" not the secret undercover ooh-i-love-you-so-much that they won't reveal but show thru their actions. anyway it's creepy and don't blame me if i get irritated/ pissed off eventually 'cos i just can't stand it anymore. unless you are a person i love very very very very much. and till today i don't even know if i've met anyone i can say i love very very very very very much.